aterat | [OTA Log] Crystal Rain the Markets

Entry tags:

[OTA Log] Crystal Rain the Markets

Who; Nida, OTA
What; Crystal Rain and An Emotional Support Guard
Where; The Markets District
When; Week of the Crystal Rains, Jan 9th to 15th
Warnings; Trauma from memories possible. CW: Discussions of character death, suicidal ideation, and suicide in thread with Ignis
Note; To access any of Nida's memories (if you're interested), check here

A. The Start Of Something Strange
It starts not long after Nida starts on his shift for the day. He'd just been minding his own business, going through the morning market, considering the spice stand that he usually used to get little bundles of spice for Ignis. And then, out of nowhere, a blur of green glinting by Nida's face. He stepped back in shock, expecting some sort of threat, because there surely weren't birds here that were colors as vivid at that. And as he twisted away he stepped backwards and something struck him on the head, bouncing to the ground. Nida flinched and looked down and there, a golden, glowing crystal.

Touching it was foolish, Nida knew that, but there was something compelling him. His fingers curled around the small golden crystal and... there it was. An overwhelming sense of trust for... Tobey? That didn't make any sense. Fearful he dropped the crystal and stood up, looking at those falling around him. Without thinking he caught a crimson one out of the air. This one overwhelmed him with love, icy blue eyes, and a smile as sharp and quick as a dagger. The name almost came with a sob to Nida's lips before he felt Siren swelling in his head, reaching out and consuming the memory before it could settle.

"Everyone stay under cover," he called out to the nearby merchants and shoppers. "Don't touch the crystals!"

Of course people already were. Dammit. How was he supposed to stop people from getting caught up in painful memories? He was so tired of all of this happening!

B. Staggered by Memory
[Note: my intention is for Nida to access memories of people who interact with this one. So if you tag it and have memories shared, I'll select one to react to for the character. If your character doesn't have any, I'll have him experience one from another one of my muses.]

There was a lot to be said for the fact that the rain of crystals didn't end. Nida had gone to briefing with the captain and sighed when he heard there was little to nothing they could do about this new strangeness. Sure, the captain would deploy a team to investigate, and talk to the Aspects, but damn if that didn't really deal with the current problem.

Which for Nida was what he saw now as he stopped by a new stall in the market.

"Is this..." he said, reaching out to touch a bejeweled bracelet. One that was set with a stone that glowed with its own internal light. Was someone really making jewelry with these?

The only way to be sure was to touch the crystal. And when the memory within passed Nida growled in annoyance.

"How DARE you sell someone's memories as decoration!"

C. Shelter and Comfort

"Over here!" Nida called out from under the awning of the market district's guard outpost. It wasn't a very large building, but it was sheltered from the fall of crystals, and he had absolutely just seen someone pick up a crystal.

"I've got warm drinks and small pastries, and an ear to listen," he offered to the person who had gathered the crystal. "You know, if you want to talk. Or just to eat."

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Ignis had been on his way home from the Lodge after many people at the Lodge had reported a strange sort of rain. He'd tried his husband more than a few times on the tell phone to no answer. That kind of thing only made him worry.

Recalling the last time he was out and about and something had happened, Ignis turned over the cooking and orders to another person and he took off immediately. The crystals pelted both him and the chocobo, but he leaned forward with the book that Llewellyn had given him in order to try and stop the rain from bothering the bird's head as much.

As he rode, a few crystals slipped into his pocket, and Ignis took two out, puzzled. And that's when he saw his husband's show down and last choice. He'd only torn his eyes away from what he was viewing to have his chocobo go under an overhang while he continued.

And he went to find the man immediately.

Knowing Nida had been at work, Ignis set off on foot and soon found the man he was searching for. At a rare loss for words, he shook his head and enfolded the man in a hug after the offer of talking or eating.

That it was Ignis approaching him gave Nida pause. He knew his husband should be at work, and yet here he was, clearly almost flinging himself at Nida. After a moment Nida took his lover into his arms, holding him close as he tried to puzzle out what had happened.

A memory. Something Ignis had seen had shaken him. But would Ignis come running if... Oh.

"Tell me what you saw."

There weren't words to describe how he felt at having his husband safely in his arms. And what he'd witnessed in those crystals was more than enough to shake him. So he didn't speak for several long moments even after he was asked about it.

Finally though Ignis pulled back but kept Nida within reach and he sighed. "Two memories I believe I saw, both regarding your past." And then there was something that reached inside of that horror and madness.

"Those are stories I never heard you tell me."

There was no accusation in his tone, only sorrow for what his husband had to go through alone.

Two memories related to his past? Ouch, two. There were plenty of single ones that hurt, and Nida didn’t even know which it could even be. Hell, what if Ignis saw the way that Nida’s parents had died? Or just any mission that had nearly gone wrong? Nida didn’t know.

He pulled his husband into the outpost and guided him toward a chair.

“I’m sorry. I know my history is pretty fucked up,” Nida said, trying to keep his voice light. Until he knew just which ones it was, he didn’t know what sort of damage control to go for here. Was it something with the city before this, where they’d been hunted by evil robots? Was it the haze he’d fallen into after he had lost Seb? Fuck, he doesn’t know.

Fucked up didn't even begin it, but Ignis wasn't about to make a comment. He refused the chair of course, believing Nida needed it far more than he did, But his eyes closed behind his glasses at the recollection of the memories.

"One dealt with a man named Elijah in a duel." 'To the death' went unsaid. "And there was also one where you shattered a mirror and it looked as if.." Ignis found this one a little harder to talk about. "Well it looked as if you would harm yourself."

Oh. Nida just wanted to sigh. Those. Two of the worst days of his life. For a moment his hand came to rub at the scar on his right shoulder at the reminder. But the other ones. Geez.

Nida sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. The other scars he wore bracelets with, or had. Before Ignis. Now the was resisting pulling his sleeves down more to keep them from being seen. Though his eyes went to the crimson blade in the corner. Yes, the same blade from the first of the memories. Nida had never explained to his husband where the distinctive blade had come from. Now it would have to be obvious.

"I met a psychic here, who said she could read futures. She said mine back home may not be over. I don't know. I haven't been back since... It's why I say I won't go home. I'm not certain I can."

Green eyes watched his husband very carefully. But he didn't ask any questions or ask for anything to be explained. And part of him wondered if the reason Nida hadn't told him the darkest truths was because he didn't trust him or that he was too afraid?

The only thing it did accomplish was to make Ignis' heart ache and wish he could fix all of it. And he did see the pointed look at the blade and all he did was sigh softly. However, when Nida mentioned the psychic thing, he wasn't sure how to feel.

All he could do was be supportive and so he reached his arm up to very gently rest it on his husband's right shoulder.

"If you must go, then I will accompany you."

All Nida can do is sigh as he moves to sit down. He spent a lot of time trying to recover from all that has happened. Damn but this was harder than expected.

"I... don't know if I can go back, Ignis, because I don't know if I'm alive. I opened my wrists that day. And as I was bleeding out, I awoke in the fountain in the Iteration again. In the middle of the winter. My grief was so deep, but my wrists were closed. Everyone that came there, even as they died, came in healed. But you could still die there. So I chose to not try and get out. Drowning or hypothermia, it didn't matter. I resolved that if the world wanted to let me die, I'd allow it."

That night had been the worst. Nida shivered at the remembered cold.

"While I was there I had helped a man form a watch to protect others. We had been lovers too, from time to time. He found me in the fountain and took me to his home to help me warm up and heal. Kept Seb and my brother away for a while because I feared the former would hate the new age between us and he hurt me because I would remember Elijah. The later because of the connections to him. So... I isolated for a whole and struggles to find a reason to live again."

He continued to listen even after Nida sat down. And his eyes opened up a little more in silent shock as he heard about the details of what went on. And it hurt him even further as his husband went on, saying he'd allow his death if the world wished it to be so. It made his heart ache all over again and wish there was something he could do to alleviate the pain and sorrow and grief.

He couldn't remember feeling so helpless in this world.

Listen until the end he did and then his brain started working. "And who precisely is this Seb person? He wasn't your lover I take it?"

All of these answers just led to more questions and he kept wondering why he wasn't told this before. It wouldn't matter of course but he couldn't help but wonder why.

That one Nida had told Ignis about but hadn't given a name to before. He reached under his coat to pull out the chain with the two rings with bands like galaxies.

"The guy I was dating before I met you, the one in the last two worlds. My star eyed boy. This place has stolen his name, and I needed one for him. So in my own mind I call him Seb. The human witch I told you about. The one the star shaped cookies reminded me of before they had become so wholly about you and us."

Ignis nodded with a sigh. For some reason he realized he was slightly jealous and that irritated him. For that wasn't an emotion he was usually given to dealing with. "Alright."

And with Nida sitting down, Ignis sank to his knees slowly and took Nida's hands in his own. He knew damn well where those scars were but wasn't sure if kissing them would aggravate the situation so he didn't.

Looking up into his husband's eyes, there was a pleading sort of look in his own as he spoke softly. "You do realize that you can tell me anything, correct?"

Jealousy... It was a horrid thing. It could consume. And really, if Nida knew more of Noctis and Ignis's devotion to him, his own jealousy would have flared badly. For now, though, now he could look into Ignis's eyes and he didn't know what to do.

"How do you tell someone something like this, Ignis? That before you met him, he didn't want to live? That I don't go drinking because when I drink I think about it all and it's hard to believe in anything at all? What... if you didn't love me anymore?"

Edited 2022-01-14 21:15 (UTC)

He was at a loss here as to what to say because this sort of situation was all new. So all he could do was speak from his heart, as his hands gently squeezed Nida's. "There will never come a day when I don't love you darling, that I promised you on our wedding day. And I don't love you simply because of all of the good, as no one is perfect." It took him a moment to think because this was definitely devastating and he just kept picturing Nida giving up which made him worry.

"But would you have abandoned me if this were the other way around?"

"No, never," Nida says, shocked and horrified and getting to his feet. "But... But how could someone want to love me when I'm so broken?"

Nida's hands pull out of Ignis's grip. Already his hands were going to his wrist, wishing he had the jade and gold bracelet. The thing was, he had already told this to Ignis some.

"And honestly, I'm trying so hard to move past him. TO move past the broken pieces Elijah left of me. I want to be seen as whole. As rebuilt, like you helped me become. You took pieces broken for the second time and put them together. But if I broke twice, why would you want to be with me because it would mean I would break a third time."

"And you expect that to be one sided?" Ignis asked. He let go when Nida stood and he shook his head. "No one is perfect." And that statement included the royal advisor to the King of Lucis. But for now he stood there, listening to his husband go on and it just broke his heart.

"I don't see you as a broken person. You are a very warm and kind and loving man. But should you indeed break, then I will be there to help put the pieces back together, no matter how many times it's required."

Ignis could only hope he was somehow getting through here and worried that he wasn't.

That... Nida was left standing there shocked at the words. One sided? Was that really what he was doing? And here was his husband, racing to his side to try and talk to him, understand him...

"I don't know what I expect," he said at last. "I just didn't want it to be a burden on you. From what little I understand of what you've lived, you've always held other people up, guiding your prince along. I figured the last thing you needed was to do that with me too. I just don't..."

Fuck, this wasn't stuff he talked about. With the Boss and his Brother, they had understood it. They were military background too. They got sacrifice and how it killed you. And yet... He was never really giving credit to Ignis for being the same thing, was he?

"Shit," he whispered to himself. Because he really had said that. "Fuck!"

Then he was pacing.

"You're like a SeeD, with your training."

Ignis sighed and folded his arms across his chest. "And where ever have I said that you were a burden?" Because he knew damn well he never said it nor would he. He wanted to follow it up with that they were married but then Nida started swearing and that had the advisor confused.

Why his husband pacing and swearing? What exactly was going on in that head of his? So he stood still, other than putting his back to a wall to wait this out. And then there was that statement.

True it wasn't the conversation he wanted to have, but if it would help illuminate this troublesome spot, he'd welcome it. "And how do you figure that?"

"You're about duty, about sacrifice. It's what you grew up with, right?" Nida said. "That's what SeeDs do. Or what we're supposed to do. So we don't talk about it, what hurts and how it hurts. Because duty wins first. You don't tell others when you're wearing down, because you have to keep things going. Keep fighting."

Nida wraps his arms around himself, as if he's trying to comfort himself. Because really, he is.

"The way we think about other people, as SeeDs, is we assume that when people see us like that, they don't get it. They can't understand why we do this to ourselves. So we shut people out. It's a lot of how I act."

Hell, it's sort of how he acted with Yuki because the guy doesn't seem to get it. Didn't always understand nida. But Nida was more open with Mono, because the kid got it.

"I thought of you more as the latter, when you're the former. I think."

"Yes it is." Ignis admitted softly, all the while still wondering where this conversation was going. And his green eyes narrowed when Nida spoke of shutting people out. But he did know what it was like not to share things, since he himself was a pretty private type of person.

"I recall us speaking about duty and sacrifice. We understood that about each other, which was one of the reasons I found us to be so compatible." Ignis replied with a nod. He did remember them talking about that.

But still, he uncrossed his arms and walked to where Nida stood, and it bothered Ignis that his husband chose to hug himself rather than come hug him. But that really didn't matter at the end of everything and he used a few fingers to lift the man's face to look at him. "I am here to help you bear your burdens, no matter how heavy or how light. And I'm not here simply for good times but for all of them, both good and bad."

How tightly he'd been holding all of it since he had been pulled out of that fountain by the Boss. How much he'd tried to push people away if they knew, to hide the flaws. And here it was now, his husband finding the worst parts of his life and still loving him.

"You... don't blame me for believing his lies?" Nida asks, his voice soft as he looked up at Ignis, his husband's fingers under his chin. "That I'm such a coward that I wanted to die rather than facing it? I failed that day, Ignis, in letting him control me and not seeing it before. And I was a SeeD. Everything about what I was said 'it is better that I die to see the mission successful', and when it did, I was upset that I hadn't. So I tried to make it. How can you love me after that? How can you be sure of me?"

"No and I see no reason as to why I should." And then Ignis closed his eyes a moment and opened them back up. "You're no coward, I've seen you in battle. And there's nothing wrong in failing. You loved him and you believed in him. And if that's a crime, I do believe uncountable numbers of people are also committing it as well."

He tried a smile. "I love you because of who you are and what you mean to me. And while I will admit to being a bit knocked off kilter because of finding out these things we didn't discuss, that doesn't mean I'm walking away from you now or ever."

Ignis then gently tugged his husband into an embrace, "Just promise me that if anything happens like that again or you feel that low, you'll notify me at once no matter where you are. And I will come running to help you."

Edited 2022-01-15 00:41 (UTC)

Nida lets himself be held, be embraced. And it was the best thing he could do he thought. The comfort was something he needed, a lot. And to be held was important. To be touched not in violence or training but for support... It's something that Ignis was helping him reach.

"I promise," he says, his voice firm, swearing it. BUt he's shaking in Ignis's arms. Because he's scared. He's scared because... Because it's so close.

"I haven't touched this all in so long. But now with the blade and this... I'm scared."

"And I will hold you to it." Ignis replied gently. He could feel his husband shaking and it bothered him although he completely understood. Simply listening, he backed up enough to look Nida in the eyes.

"I am by your side. But I must confess I have to inquire as to how I can best assist and be of service with this." He didn't want to step a foot wrong, especially with a situation as delicate as this. And he wanted to know his boundaries or what Nida's were.

"I don't know," Nida answered, his voice wavering weakly. "Hyne, I don't know. I've just had all this stuff propping me up for a while and I don't know what else to do."

Other than break down.

"Don't leave me alone right now. And promise me that if you still have those crystals, you won't bring them near me. Siren... she won't take the memories and the pain away. I don't know why she won't take them."

Ignis pulled Nida against him again, as gently as he did the last time. But he held onto the man with a fierceness, wishing he could go and do all of the battles for his beloved. Of course he knew there was no saving him from these memories and he sighed.

"I've no intention of leaving you alone."

Siren's actions or non actions were puzzling, but she probably had her reasons. "Then I will take you home and I can tuck you into bed with some tea and something to eat. Or we can do whatever it is that you wish. You've no need to worry that I will bring the crystals anywhere near you."

He could only hope he was being helpful here.

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CW: Discussions of suicide and character death

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CW: Suicide mention again

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